Pregnancy Diaries 1 – 2017

Its not like it was a surprise. We were trying. What was a surprise was the timing…

In denial…

We found a little two bedroom apartment and it was our first BIG step since we got married. Life would truly begin to be independent – bills, garbage schedule, house rent, inspections, budgeting, cooking, looking for furnitures, turning a house into a home…we were excited! We were on our toes for two months shopping for basic home essentials, and furnitures – building them…I felt I’d actually get to settle down and get some rest after all the stress with moving out of my parents house.

That’s when I found out…the strip showed positive. I did not want to believe it – but there was no reason it wasn’t true! My GP referred to an early ultrasound to make sure there are no complications, so far. I went to Ashford – Benson Radiology. The radiologist, initially tried to look for “life”, externally, a slimy jelly like fluid she spread all over my tummy – as I tried to hold back a laugh from the tickling…She helped me relax and could not find “life”… so an internal was required. I was not prepared mentally for this…but it had to be done. Ma’s face told me she wasn’t expecting an internal as well. I could read the worry on her face and hoped she did not read “possibility of miscarriage” on the form.
The radiologist had a smile on her face and said

Definitely a bub there! Look!

I felt nothing, just uncomfortable at my situation. Ma’s face lit up! I remember her saying she didn’t get to see me or Sara this way back in the days…it was confirmed. Im pregnant. Anika is pregnant…I had dreams similar to this odd, unexplored, unfamiliar situation….and then things dawned on me…

Too many changes

A million worries suddenly engulfed me, I still had to help hubby with the furnitures, find out the shortest trip to my parents house, get used to coming back home without the aroma of mom’s food!

All of a sudden, the little apartment felt not-so-exciting. Nothing was organised, furniture was unbuilt, bathroom needed cleaning, fridge needed filling, I did not know (or made excuse not to find out) how to get to work! …Even walking into the apartment was so overwhelming, I made excuses to not move in for another two weeks…the changes were too much, too many…I felt like I got dragged into a whirpool.

My hero of husband built all the furnitures, my angel mom one day swooped in and turned the living room into magazine-level beautiful! Dad, my biggest strength and all time hero – despite his odd work hours helped transport more furnitures and push them upstairs – I was no longer of help! I was strictly to not push, pull, heavy furnitures! My sister was too excited and started downloading apps and tracking a life that was apparently growing inside me…it was weird…I just wanted to curtle in a corner and hide.

I asked my mom to actually cook at my new apartment before we move in, so it can stop smelling like a “forest”

I hated the flowery auto-perfume, I myself bought for my home and threw it in the bin to husbands shock, he thought the smell was lovely!

I hated the smell of wooden furniture we bought together with so much love and inspiration, hated the smell of his cologne I once loved, hated any strong smell….thankfully I was only nauseus but did not throw up.

Ma was happy that I could eat, even though I complained of everything being smelly.

Work??? I have work! How does this work???

I heard all sorts of scary stories about getting pregnant and being treated unfairly at work. I brushed up on Fairwork and… very fearfully and bravely faced my boss.

To my surprise, my boss was amazingly supportive. He told me about his wife and her pregnancy. He voluntarily agreed to be the secretkeeper for the first three months – just because it was the most risky period. He arranged a quiet location where I could quietly spend my lunch hour…I was actually taking naps at that time. He was OK with working from home and sudden doc appointments. Needless to say…I was pleasantly surprised and felt a bit more positive about my pregnancy.

In truth, I wasn’t negative about my pregnancy news, just overwhelmed and scared, and as my brother (in law) rightly made me realise, I was missing my old lifestyle and home and mom and dad. His concerns amused me and I started to settle down a little. It is amazing what a few kindness from family and a positive attitude can do to your worries.