Society: The child question

​So, when are you having a child? 

This question alone is terribly offensive, and yet the curious men and women never stop asking and the awkward couple never has a proper reply. 

NEWFLASH!  Live and let live

To actually understand the level of offense of these questions let me start by defining the MANY reasons why a couple have no babies/children.

1. They don’t want one.


Stop gasping for breath. Hard to believe but some couples are quite OK to have no kids. Maybe their jobs are too demanding, maybe one of the partners are not interested, maybe they haven’t settled… maybe…its not upto you to tell them to get a baby! That’s what they have each other for! 

2. They are going through a rough patch

Sometimes, it takes a while to trust someone with your-self. It takes time to adjust to the differences in a relationship. Smart couples take time to understand each other, they want to become comfortable enough with each other to try and raise a little human together. There’s no point bringing a child to this World with a partner, with whom, you are not comfortable yourself! And having a baby does NOT resolve conflicts, it shackles the mother. People start harbouring bitter feelings towards their spouse and children.

4. Infertility issues

Shocked?  Yes, you shouldn’t have asked Jane and Jack about their baby plans. Its possible Jack has fertility issues, its possible Jill is unable to concieve due to VARIOUS health reasons, infertility is only one. Its possible, they can’t afford IVF, or the adoption just didn’t happen. Perhaps they are trying as you ask the question and this question only makes Jane cry after she goes home. 

5. She is not ready yet. 

For a healthy pregnancy and a happy mother, its EXTREMELY important she is ready. Both mentally and physically. Its not just the labour pain, a woman goes through. Even before the strip turns positive, for a planned pregnancy, a woman should feel ready to bear a child. She mentally tells herself that the 8 months of her life will be…unpredictable. Will she be as active?  Or slow down?  Will she be able to eat well?  Will she be strong enough for the baby? What kind of weird wireless relationship will she have with the baby?  How will her relationship change with her partner?  How will he react? How will she react? 
So instead of asking couples about their baby plans, maybe just wait until you hear the good news…